195th entry:

i think im just upset; not angry or mad at a particular someone.
im scared i make a wrong move again. im scared.
im worried. scared and worried. everything piles up. and a wrong activator turned everything upside down.

i've learnt my lessons of being responsible for the mistakes i made. be responsible. but normally the consquences are too hard for me to bear. so hard till it's choking me; suffocating me.
sometimes i really wonder: "what will exactly happen if i din make that choice; will this still happen?"

i think i was just being off and worried. and u simply took the wrong move at the wrong time. this is what u got. i tried to believe that what i was/am doing is correct. so please prove me right.

believe in me that what im telling u to do is correct. i don see the need for me to do what u asked me to. there's no point. just do ur best for ur part and that's it. cuz that wasnt reali needed yet, in that situation. thanks.