155th entry:

coming to this point of my life, i need to reflect on what i have done as a human being. i need to sit down and think abt my life, think abt why is my life like that and how should i change it. or should i even change it? i think i need. i need to really think if this is the way i want to live my life? should i continue my life the way i did for the past 17 years, 5 months and 3 days? should i? i don think i lived each and single moment of my life happily and in the way i wanted it to be. there were many times when i was left alone, when i quarelled with the world, when i was pissed off by myself and everyone was angry with me. i hate it. i am tired. i wonder, what happens if these things never ever happened? what if i went to poly instead? what if i never joined band? what if i din take tri sci? will things will still be the same? will things be what it is now? will i feel what i am feeling now? will i be sad abt certain stuff now? will i? i wonder, wonder, wonder! i need to cry. tears are toomuch for me to bear. it's accumulating deep down my heart, my soul, my mind. i need to get things sorted out. i need to sort out my feelings. i need ppl to confirm me, to tell me what exactly i am to them, be it a normal person, senior,junior, friend, one who is irritatingly annoying or someone whom they loved very very much. i need to be confirmed. don assume u noe me veri well. i am NOT what u think i am. i am NOT. i am a normal person who need to be confirmed, who needs to be loved, who needs ppl to care for. Wanting is NOT tingtingwan. tingtingwan is/can be a happy-go-lucky person, one that is cheerful at all times. one that has a smile on her face at all times. but NOT Wanting. Wanting needs to be loved, unlike tingtinwan, who showered love and care to ppl whom she thinks she loved. Wanting need to feel the love and warmth from this ugly world for her to believe this ugly world.




believe it or not, love and care is the key.-


losing the direction and faith of life.-